We are not angry or violent people who fight all the time and criticize others; that is not who we are. We are not the people who work ourselves to the bone year after year to prove ourselves to others and get no appreciation in return; that is not who we are. We are not constant complainers who can’t get anything to go the way we want; that is not who we are. We are not anger, violence, doubt, blame, cynicism, resentment or any of these aspects of fear. Fear does not need to write our life story. Fear is not reality; it is just an emotion created by the ego. What we really are… is LOVE.
Love is the only antidote for fear. When we are filled with love, we feel peaceful and calm. Our muscles relax; we smile and breathe more deeply. When we are operating from love, we are present, in balance, grateful, optimistic, forgiving, compassionate, funny, generous, confident, humble, patient and alive! All of this is literally reflected in the harmonious rhythm of our hearts. When we are operating from love, we bestow love when others are good to us and when they treat us badly. Because our relationships are always congruent with our frequency, every one of our relationships will be loving, respectful and joyful when we truly operate from love. And the more loving we are, the more the world greets us as love and the more immune we are to the troubles of the world.
Everyone talks about opening their hearts and being loving but I don’t believe the majority know how to do this. I think more of us would truly love if we really knew what “being loving” meant.
We are taught that when an individual cheats on another, this means the end of the
relationship. If the individual, who was cheated on, doesn’t end their relationship, they are judged as being weak, needy or desperate. I want to give you two examples of where opening our heart can save a beautiful marriage.
A woman came to me after her husband cheated on her, telling me that everyone was telling her to end her marriage. She told me that her husband was sexually abused as a child and he had never told anyone, not even her, his wife. One day, he met a woman who had also been sexually abused. They ended up having an affair. I explained to this woman that her husband had held onto his secret for over thirty years until he found someone with whom he felt safe enough to be honest. When he shared his story with the woman that had also been abused and she still respected him and was attracted to him, she literally helped him heal from his past. Was this the ideal way to heal from his past? Absolutely not. I asked this woman if she still respected, loved and desired her husband and she said “Yes.” I asked her if her husband still respected, loved and desired her and she said “Yes.” I then suggested that she see him with compassion, that she understand what truly happened here, and that she slowly begin to contemplate rebuilding their marriage. It has been over fifteen years since we had that discussion and the two of them are still happily married.
A man came to me after learning his wife had cheated on him. After we talked at length, he saw her infidelity as a wake-up call for himself as he realized that he had taken her for granted for many years. Was cheating on him the right thing for her to do? Of course not, but we discussed how they would make their marriage stronger than ever, as a result of this, and that is exactly what they did. He even went so far as to apologize to his wife for not seeing her greatness because he had been so caught up in himself. When someone hurts us tremendously and we can thank them for showing us the error of our ways, we receive proof that we are truly opening our heart.
Our hearts transform pain into love. We cannot choose all of our circumstances but we can choose whether to view them with love or fear; all that is needed is a shift in perception. Love is a way of seeing, it is THE way of seeing. My hope is that you will see through the lens of your heart this Valentine’s Day.