A Life Coach’s Insights and Tips for Successful Online Dating

A collage of images of men and women on their phones and meeting at restaurant

Well, here’s some information you might not have expected to receive from The Resourceful Mother – my thoughts and tips on online dating! Yes, I did this on and off for many years.

5 insights I want to share with you:

  1. We all enjoy meeting people in person far more than “shopping” for someone online. Meeting the love of our life online is no one’s first choice. Having said that, if we don’t think online dating will work, it likely won’t – our thoughts usually become our reality.
  2. We are all wired to care about appearance, even if we pretend we are not. There are individuals with no picture of themselves on their profile, who say that appearance doesn’t matter, yet they are contacting others, telling them they are beautiful. Of course, we all know that our inner beauty is far more important than our outer beauty but it is much easier to see when we meet in person!
  3. Anyone who needs to say they are honest when they are describing themselves, particularly if they have made the word part of their user name, has had challenges with honesty in the past. As a life coach, I would ask that individual, “When have YOU not been honest in the past?” No one needs to state they are loyal, kind or in possession of any trait that we all aspire to have.
  4. Individuals showing pictures of their homes, cars, motorcycles or other external means of gratification in their profile may not be fully aware of their OWN greatness and believe they need to entice a partner in this way.
  5. Anyone repeating thoughts in their profile, such as how important their children are to them, is clearly demonstrating their priority or showing you an area of their life where they are struggling. For example, someone stating, over and over, how important their children are might be having a challenge finding enough time to have a romantic relationship and spend enough time with their children.

11 tips for effective online dating:

  1. Your profile needs to contain pictures that are current and representative of your true essence. You are going to meet the person that is looking at your pictures – they will SEE that you are heavier or older than your pictures! Tricking people with our pictures or words is a recipe for disaster in any relationship.
  2. I have never heard of a woman who feels a quickening in her loins seeing a picture of a man proudly holding up a dead fish they caught! You need to think of what would INTEREST your future partner when you choose your pictures and the wording of your profile.
  3. The write-up in your profile needs to share a little about your interests, passions, and beliefs. If you make your profile too general, you are wasting time attracting individuals where there is no long term potential. If someone doesn’t like the specifics of what you share, they are NOT FOR YOU! Brevity is key – people’s attention span online is usually limited.
  4. I don’t recommend texting anyone more than a few times before setting up a phone call. Texting can raise both parties’ hopes unnecessarily.
  5. Never meet anyone unless you have spoken on the phone first. A phone conversation is far better at showing you whether there is chemistry or not. You are also able to read another’s energy better on the phone, as opposed to texting.
  6. There is no need to state what you don’t want in a person or in a relationship. If you say you don’t want drama, you are actually attracting drama.
  7. Avoid putting naked or revealing pictures of yourself on your profile, unless you are simply looking to attract individuals who are more interested in having sex with you than being with you physically, mentally and emotionally. The same rule applies to the pictures you choose to send a potential partner.
  8. Refrain from responding to anyone in whom you are not interested. There is no need to thank anyone for their compliments or clarify anything. If you write someone, they usually think you ARE interested in them even if you have clearly stated that you are not.
  9. If in the first few days of contact, someone tells you they love you or they want to live with you or they heavily compliment you, these are all red flags. Real feelings take some time to develop.
  10. If you keep attracting married people, who are pretending to be single, subconsciously, you are not ready for a true, committed relationship. If you keep attracting people who don’t want to see you again but you want to see them again, focus more on coming to love yourself.  If you keep attracting great people but there is no chemistry between you, God hasn‘t sent you the right person yet; there are bigger priorities right now.
  11. Never assume or hope that you can change anything about the person you are interested in dating. You need to like them for exactly who they are. If someone states they are trying to quit smoking, assume they will not accomplish it and decide if you are okay with that. We all have aspects of ourselves that are not as strong as we would like them to be, things we don’t like doing or things we can’t do and our ideal partner needs to be okay with that and vice versa.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, the longer we take to meet our life partner, the longer we can be working on coming to love ourselves and the more likely we will attract someone who has been doing the same! We have long-term relationships with people who love themselves to the same degree we do. I saw the contrast in the men I attracted through online dating over the years…if you work on yourself long enough, you can meet a type of man you never knew existed!

10 Ways to Improve the Health of your Brain

The top picture shows us what a healthy brain looks like. The bottom left picture shows us what an unhealthy brain looks like. The bottom right picture shows us the improvements in brain health by decreasing one’s exposure to toxins, improving one’s nutrition and thinking more positively. When we improve the health of our brain, we also improve the appearance of our body.

Here are the top 10 ways to improve the health of your brain:

  1. Decrease stress, sugar, caffeine, alcohol, drugs and nicotine – These constrict blood flow to the brain and other organs. Stress increases cortisol, which can damage the cells in our brain and decrease our memory.
  2. Drink lots of filtered water.
  3. To decrease inflammation in the brain, identify and remove food allergens (dairy and wheat are big culprits for brain inflammation in sensitive individuals). Consume plenty of Omega 3 fatty acids from fish, nuts, seeds, leafy green vegetables and avocados. Green tea and spices, such as garlic, rosemary and curcumin also assist with this. Curcumin actually decreases the plaque thought to be responsible for Alzheimer’s disease.
  4. Eat clean food, specifically protein – Protein balances our blood sugar which keeps our moods stable, our energy high and our concentration levels optimal. Clean food means organic, hormone-free, antibiotic-free, free-range and grass-fed. Fruits, vegetables, coconut oil, olive oil, grapeseed oil, chicken/turkey, eggs, steel-cut oatmeal (made in a wheat-free facility), legumes and shirataki noodles (the root of the wild yam plant) are the best brain foods, in addition to the omega 3 fatty acids already mentioned.
  5. Take supplements to improve the health of the intestine, our second brain – our gut is the most important organ for the health of our brain. Probiotics and fermented foods are best known for increasing our good bacteria, which improves our brain power and lowers anxiety/depression.
  6. Floss and obtain regular teeth/gum cleanings to avoid periodontal disease, maintain healthy gut flora and reduce inflammation.
  7. Take supplements to improve blood flow to the brain, such as gingko biloba (Omega 3 does this too!)
  8. Obtain proper treatment for brain injuries, such as cranial osteopathy.
  9. Exercise regularly – doing activities involving coordination, such as dancing and tennis boosts the activity in the cerebellum. The cerebellum holds 50% of the brain’s neurons! Interval training raises endorphins, which, in turn, lifts our mood and helps us feel more energetic. And resistance training prevents cognitive decline. Mindful exercise, such as yoga and tai chi, reduce anxiety and depression and increase focus.
  10. When we are in love, our brain looks like we have just consumed a lot of cocaine because there is so much left and right basal ganglia activity! Loving and positive thoughts are huge for the health of our brain! It actually harms our brain to spend time with people who don’t love and appreciate us.

I obtained this knowledge from The Canadian School of Natural Nutrition and the renowned neuroscientist, psychiatrist and brain-imaging expert, Daniel Amen. His fascinating book, Change Your Brain, Change Your Life discusses this information in far more detail.

Canada Day Weekend – Appreciating Our Freedom

Every year, I have more appreciation for living in Canada than the year prior. This past weekend, I spent time overlooking the City of Toronto and its waterfront with thoughts of freedom continually pervading my mind. I believe that in Canada we have the privilege of having more freedom than if we were to live anywhere else in the world.

What is freedom to you?  Here are a few ideas that came to mind:

  • Having running water, a roof over our head, food, toiletries, clothing, a bed to sleep in peacefully for hours, warmth, medical care, dental care, and maybe even a vehicle to drive whenever and wherever we want
  • Being able to choose if we want to engage in politics or not
  • Knowing how to read and being able to read whatever we want, allowing us to form our own thoughts & beliefs and learn more about what we are passionate about
  • Accessing Facebook and other social media platforms to hear the good news in the world, as opposed to the bad news. These platforms also give us the opportunity to freely express ourselves.
  • Being surrounded by people that love and appreciate us
  • Loving ourselves enough to feel confident in being who we really are
  • Having the time to heal and nurture ourselves, as well as others
  • Being able to unleash our creativity
  • Having the power to choose what we are going to do with each moment in a day
  • Feeling safe, no matter where we are or who we are with
  • Loving who we want to love
  • Having the ability to convert every negative thought into a positive one or every “bad” occurrence into a blessing, even if it takes time
  • Having our physical, emotional and spiritual health

For those of you that want more freedom for yourselves and know that it is possible, how do you obtain this freedom?  There is one sure way – learn from those that have found it….and remember that with age, time and belief more and more things become possible.

The independence and liberation that most of us here in Canada have access to is worth contemplating.  My hope is that this blog will encourage you to spend more time FULLY appreciating the freedom and safety that we have here. Happy Canada Day to all of the occupants of this incredible country!

Gay Pride Week – Love IS Love

two women at the gay pride parade

Gay pride week is comprised of events celebrating lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex culture and pride. Last weekend, on my way home from the Artisan festival, I stumbled into a pride parade heading down Main Street Newmarket. The energy was palpable. The mayor, the police force, the paramedics and numerous other groups were all there supporting the LGBT community. There were more floats than I had seen in any other parade in town and the colourful nature of the floats and costumes was magnificent. When I saw the sign ‘Love Is Love’, I actually felt emotional.

My latest book, “The Resourceful Mother’s Secrets to Spiritual Vitality” explains that our souls ultimately come here to learn love. When we learn that fear and misunderstanding are the root causes of all suffering and illness, we will begin to replace hate, distrust and prejudice with love and cooperation. One of my biggest goals is to help the world understand the healing potential of love and teach people how to harness it!  My book explains and provides evidence that we live many lives in order to move from fear to love. Here are some excerpts:

Reincarnation Eliminates Sexual Discrimination

If someone was a woman in many prior lives and then decided to be a man for the first time in their next life, wouldn’t it make sense that they might have feminine tendencies or desires, living as a man for the first time in many lifetimes? The same scenario could happen if someone was a man in many prior lives and then decided to be a woman in their next life. Reincarnation could also explain why there are masculine women and feminine men. Believing in reincarnation eliminates all prejudice.

Reincarnation Is the Very Best Way for Our Souls to Learn LOVE

If we are poor in one life and rich in another, a minority in one life and part of the majority in another, or the tormentor in one life and the sufferer in another, how can we fail to learn compassion over many lifetimes? Reincarnation is a fool proof way for us to learn love and for our souls to evolve.

Loving or failing to love is the true test of our souls. Research has shown that our success in life is almost entirely dependent on our emotional intelligence (heart) rather than on our intellectual prowess (brain). All personal and spiritual transformation is dependent upon the opening of our hearts – giving and receiving love – allowing the energies of love and joy to truly flow. The more compassion and empathy we feel for all living things, the closer we come to experiencing divine unconditional love. The more we view the world through the lens of our heart, the greater our consciousness becomes, and the greater our spiritual awakening. It is why we come to Earth.

“Your life’s path, your life’s purpose, is what is required by your perfect soul, for your perfect soul’s growth. It is measured by your earth heart’s growth.” (Wiseman 2011, 88)

woman in red dress at gay pride parade looking down the street at the back of gay pride parade

The Symbolism of Illness

Meredith Deasley holding her new book, Secrets to Spiritual Vitality.

Our illnesses are meaningful, symbolic and have a spiritual purpose. They offer the possibility of greater healing. Physical illnesses are designed to help our souls grow, make improvements in our lives or create a way for us to leave our present lives. The choice to work out life issues through the body is just one choice that our souls can make.

“Health is one of the arenas in which we can learn about ourselves and the world. Other arenas include relationships, work, and money. More general life arenas exist: the mental, psychological, and emotional. We tend to focus on one or two of these areas in our lives, although we may have issues or problems in several of them.

This will become evident as you look at yourself, your family, friends, and acquaintances. Certain of your friends or family members, for example, don’t seem to have much trouble with their health, but they may have a terrible time with relationships. Someone else will always be having problems with money or with settling on a satisfying career. Still another may find his or her spiritual life to be the greatest challenge.” (Trowbridge 1996, xii)

In Chapter Three, I explained about living many, different lives (and provided proof of this), in order for our souls to develop in the direction they need to grow. Our souls have specific work to do in each lifetime and unless we do that work, there will be a conflict between our soul and our personality, which can create illness. Having said that, some souls choose to come into this lifetime with an illness, for the growth of their souls and those around them. A developmentally delayed individual may forego intellectual development in order to focus more on the emotional side of being. A physically disabled individual may be creating a path in which the intellect or the imagination is given more priority. A serious illness can teach an individual to be less selfish, more loving, humble, helpful, appreciative, courageous or able to live in the present moment, to name a few.

Spiritual Vitality – A Prerequisite to Overall Health and Wellness

My third book is full of modernized interpretations about spirituality researched and designed to help you heal and prosper physically, emotionally and spiritually.

What is Spiritual Health and Vitality?

Spiritual health is all about moving from fear to love, having faith in a Higher Power, reading the signs sent to you from the Universe, and understanding your soul’s mission here on Earth. We experience spiritual vitality when we acquire the ability to see beyond and experience bliss, freedom, love and meaning in our lives every single day.

How Did I Acquire My Expertise in Spiritual Vitality?

My spiritual studies began when I was nineteen. I read a book that explained we choose our parents. I decided that whether this was true or not, I was going to believe it. You have heard me say it before – it is our perspective that heals us. If I chose my parents, I could no longer see myself as a victim to the challenges that went on at home. I later found my own proof that our souls do live many lives. And I learned that we choose the circumstances of our lives and the people in our lives, so that our souls can grow to maximum capacity.

Over the past thirty years, I have studied the journey of our souls extensively.  When my daughters were younger, they saw and communicated with many spirits and angels. Eventually, spirits and guides came to me too. I do not have the ability to see them; I probably am different enough without having that ability! As a result of these experiences and copious amounts of research, I have gained a large amount of perspective that has helped me know, without a shadow of a doubt, that nothing happens to us; everything happens for us. 

What Are Some Examples of Spiritual Perspective?

  1. How would you view your enemy if you found out they are the one that loves you the most on the other side? No one wants to be the bad guy, which is why only the person that loves us the most would deign to take on the job of being our biggest teacher in this life! Yes, our enemies are our biggest teachers. They will not leave us alone until our souls learn what we set out to learn.
  2. How would a racially prejudiced woman view someone of another race if she learned she was many different races herself in her past lives?
  3. How would a LGBT prejudiced man view a gay man if he understood that the gay man was likely a woman in many of his past lives and that this was his first lifetime, in a while, as a man?

Do you see how knowledge can change our perspective and how that new perspective can heal us?

What if You Had a Manual to Help You Achieve Spiritual Vitality?

I have written the manual to help you achieve spiritual vitality. I share my deepest, darkest secrets – the kinds of things people DON’T share. I teach you an integrated approach to managing your health physically, emotionally and spiritually. I explain your soul’s mission and the power you have to create the life you want. My book comes out next month. I am told it’s my best work yet!

My FULL Acceptance Speech After Receiving The Lifetime Achievement Award in Nutrition

On Saturday, I received the Canadian Lifetime Achievement Award in Nutrition. I was not able to deliver my full acceptance speech due to time constraints, so I decided to share it with you in this way!

Who knew that my eldest daughter being so sick back in 1999 would lead to receiving this prestigious award today? I am truly honoured. Over the years, I have spread the word about what we learn at CSNN – with great passion and energy…thinking that only the families I helped valued my work, never thinking that anyone else noticed or knew the difference I was making…today, I have been proven wrong. Thank you.

When I was in my twenties, someone asked me what my ideal job would be. I told them I didn’t know but if people started moving to another planet, I would like to be the one to teach them how to live on that planet and do things differently….well, that is exactly what a nutritionist does, isn’t it? We teach how to do things differently than the majority….

When I started teaching people how to do things differently, many people turned against me. Family members and a couple of friends ended relationships with me. A few people walked out of my seminars. A lady reported me to public health for explaining the benefits of unpasteurized milk to a group of mothers. Someone told me I would stunt my eldest daughter’s growth by not feeding her dairy and wheat – many of you know that she is 5’10’’, healthy and strong! The point is that our work was generally not accepted almost 20 years ago.

But I knew the truth. I knew that food and our emotions were the keys to aging with vitality, joy and grace. My unintentional experiments with both of my daughters, our animals and myself proved over and over again that everything we learned in school is absolutely correct. I helped a highly functioning autistic boy and girl eliminate all signs of autism. I helped a boy with asthma avoid the need for puffers. I helped a girl with celiac put an end to all her symptoms. I helped a girl with Type 1 diabetes reduce her need for insulin from 50 units a day down to 5 units. I have helped many people, of all ages, change their mind about committing suicide. The knowledge we gain at CSNN is sound. It is unique; it is infinitely valuable.

I will spend the rest of my life helping people that want to heal physically, emotionally and spiritually. It is my greatest pleasure to do so. Receiving this award will always remind me that today my work is not only accepted but respected. As you now know, this is something I haven’t ever felt I’ve had in this career. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

What Does Opening our Hearts Really Mean?

HEART_HANDS_FEATURE_shutterstock_247059397.jpg

We are not angry or violent people who fight all the time and criticize others; that is not who we are. We are not the people who work ourselves to the bone year after year to prove ourselves to others and get no appreciation in return; that is not who we are. We are not constant complainers who can’t get anything to go the way we want; that is not who we are. We are not anger, violence, doubt, blame, cynicism, resentment or any of these aspects of fear. Fear does not need to write our life story. Fear is not reality; it is just an emotion created by the ego. What we really are… is LOVE.
Love is the only antidote for fear. When we are filled with love, we feel peaceful and calm. Our muscles relax; we smile and breathe more deeply. When we are operating from love, we are present, in balance, grateful, optimistic, forgiving, compassionate, funny, generous, confident, humble, patient and alive! All of this is literally reflected in the harmonious rhythm of our hearts. When we are operating from love, we bestow love when others are good to us and when they treat us badly. Because our relationships are always congruent with our frequency, every one of our relationships will be loving, respectful and joyful when we truly operate from love. And the more loving we are, the more the world greets us as love and the more immune we are to the troubles of the world.

Everyone talks about opening their hearts and being loving but I don’t believe the majority know how to do this. I think more of us would truly love if we really knew what “being loving” meant.

We are taught that when an individual cheats on another, this means the end of the
relationship. If the individual, who was cheated on, doesn’t end their relationship, they are judged as being weak, needy or desperate. I want to give you two examples of where opening our heart can save a beautiful marriage.

A woman came to me after her husband cheated on her, telling me that everyone was telling her to end her marriage. She told me that her husband was sexually abused as a child and he had never told anyone, not even her, his wife. One day, he met a woman who had also been sexually abused. They ended up having an affair. I explained to this woman that her husband had held onto his secret for over thirty years until he found someone with whom he felt safe enough to be honest. When he shared his story with the woman that had also been abused and she still respected him and was attracted to him, she literally helped him heal from his past. Was this the ideal way to heal from his past? Absolutely not. I asked this woman if she still respected, loved and desired her husband and she said “Yes.” I asked her if her husband still respected, loved and desired her and she said “Yes.” I then suggested that she see him with compassion, that she understand what truly happened here, and that she slowly begin to contemplate rebuilding their marriage. It has been over fifteen years since we had that discussion and the two of them are still happily married.

594907a8-c930-4f66-9569-7700def1ec74

A man came to me after learning his wife had cheated on him. After we talked at length, he saw her infidelity as a wake-up call for himself as he realized that he had taken her for granted for many years. Was cheating on him the right thing for her to do? Of course not, but we discussed how they would make their marriage stronger than ever, as a result of this, and that is exactly what they did. He even went so far as to apologize to his wife for not seeing her greatness because he had been so caught up in himself. When someone hurts us tremendously and we can thank them for showing us the error of our ways, we receive proof that we are truly opening our heart.

Our hearts transform pain into love. We cannot choose all of our circumstances but we can choose whether to view them with love or fear; all that is needed is a shift in perception. Love is a way of seeing, it is THE way of seeing. My hope is that you will see through the lens of your heart this Valentine’s Day.

A Unique Perspective on Making New Years’ Resolutions

In more recent years, there have been a number of people who have stopped making New Years’ Resolutions. Many people believe that they are going to fail at keeping their resolutions, so why set themselves up for disappointment and make them at all? Some feel that the word “resolution” sounds as though they are forcing whatever it is they want to happen, so they say “No” to making resolutions. And others have another set of reasons or excuses for avoiding making resolutions.

Here’s the thing. We are here to become the very best people we can be. We are meant to learn compassion, patience, respect, faith, perseverance, hard work, the power of our thoughts, forgiveness, gratitude, belief in ourselves and others, humility, when and how to surrender, optimism, honesty, and loyalty, just to give a few examples. And we are meant to accomplish our dreams.

Do you think that eating low vibration foods, watching Netflix endlessly, failing to exercise, drinking alcohol regularly, or spending hours on Facebook or Instagram will help you become the best person you can be? Do you think that hanging out with angry or critical people will help you see your greatness? Do you think that believing what insecure people or people who are in emotional pain say to you or about you will help you see our greatness? Do you think that setting goals will truly harm you?

It is only when we begin to think differently that we can access the information we need to help us act differently. It is only when our perceptions are healthy, that we can be healthy physically, emotionally and spiritually. I had a new client that came to me to lose weight. I knew that I could use my vast knowledge of nutrition to help her lose weight but that if we did not address the emotional cause of her need to protect herself by surrounding herself with extra weight, she would never accomplish her goal. When we determined the emotional root cause of her weight gain, it was easy for her to lose the extra weight because she was no longer sabotaging herself with her thoughts!

Set your sights on what you want – call it what you want! Create resolutions, goals or come up with your ‘one word’ for 2018 but determine you are going to be the very best person you can be or that you are going to make this world a better place or both. You don’t need to know exactly how you are going to accomplish what you want. But if you do know some steps that you can take to accomplish your goal, embark upon them. Stop making excuses for yourself. Stop seeing yourself as small.

From the two million eggs that a woman is born with and the five hundred billion sperm that a man produces over his lifetime, two cells united to create you, each containing twenty three chromosomes and within each chromosome, hundreds of genes. Those genes governed every characteristic you possess, from the colour of your eyes, the size of your brain to your manner of being. You possess qualities in your mind, speech, movement, appearance and actions of no one else that has ever lived or shall live. You are one of the greatest miracles in the world.

MAKE THIS NEXT YEAR YOUR BEST YEAR YET. YOU CAN DO IT!!

Christmas Gifts From The Heart

I know that at this time of year, we spend a lot of time shopping for just the right present for those we love. I wanted to give you some ideas of gifts that you could give from the heart! You can write a list of everything you appreciate about your loved one in their Christmas card. You can make a collage (10 x 10) of pictures of you and them, decorate it with scrapbooking materials from Michaels and frame it‎. You can send them on a scavenger hunt to look for a meaningful gift with each hint describing something you love about them or reminding them of a good memory you have shared with them. The most important gift we can give at Christmas time is our love and appreciation for those we care about.