Easter – A Time to Love and Respect Ourselves

In Part One of this blog, we learned how to forgive another.

How do we know when we have forgiven another?

We have forgiven another when we can be around them or speak to them without being negatively affected by them. We no longer let what they do or say to us control our self-respect or well-being. The state we reach is called “detachment”. When we are detached, we can disagree with another but still love them. We no longer feel that we have to defend ourselves nor do we fear that they will trigger our old hurts. We see their pain or suffering, often coming to the realization that they don’t love themselves. And we know that their lack of love for themselves has NOTHING to do with us. As I say in my second book “If we can eventually reach the point where we no longer blame another but say instead, “I don’t believe the part of you that hurt me is who you really are,” then we know we have forgiven.”

It is important to know that once we forgive another, we don’t need to remain in a relationship with them. If they continue to disrespect us or refuse to act with love in their heart, the relationship can safely end.

In Part Two of this blog, we learned how to forgive ourselves.

How do we know when we have forgiven ourselves?

We have forgiven ourselves when we replace self-rejection with self-acceptance. When we don’t like ourselves, we attract people and events that reflect those negative feelings about ourselves; we see this turning around once we have forgiven ourselves. When we start taking responsibility, we start feeling worthy of receiving what we desire; we let go of our unhealthy patterns and decrease the frequency and intensity of the negative experiences in our lives. This results in greater self-control and a calmer existence. The forgiveness leads to accepting, respecting and eventually loving ourselves – even when we act crazy or feel jealous or sad at times! When we can truly love ourselves for who we are, that is the beginning of our freedom as humans and that is when everything good comes into our lives; we literally reprogram our future. We can refer to this stage of our lives as our “rebirth”.

On this Easter Sunday, I want you to have a glimpse into what it means to experience rebirth from an emotional standpoint. Our rebirth means we have come to love and respect ourselves like never before and have let go of our biggest unhealthy patterns. Throughout our lives, we work on loving and respecting ourselves more and more.

What does our rebirth feel like?

I provide a many-page description of this in my second book but I want to give you a glimpse of this stage of our lives for it is truly incredible, once we reach it. When we love and respect ourselves, we have taken responsibility for our actions and words, worked with our emotions and set healthy boundaries with others. Because of taking these steps over and over, we feel safe and others feel safe with us. We move away from conflict and drama, no longer needing it to fill our egos, and our lives become more peaceful. Our happiness and peace are no longer attached to people behaving in a certain way or things going our way. We are happy, peaceful and in a state of grace, even if things don’t go the way we want them to. The amount of peace we feel becomes our measure of accomplishment. We don’t become immune to pain but we become better equipped to handle it. When we love ourselves, we apply love to each situation and get faster at seeing the gift in every circumstance. We see life as a gift; we are grateful for that gift and life delivers. We luxuriate in the richness of life because we know we deserve it.

If you need help with any of the steps to forgiving others or yourself or experiencing your rebirth, I am here for you. Helping others heal physically and emotionally is my BIGGEST passion and I truly know how to do it. Wishing you the happiest of Easters and sending each of you an Easter bouquet of love, compassion, peace and joy! Your Easter Egg hunt of reading my three blogs and taking your inner journey over this important weekend is now officially over…. or is it?

Easter – A Time To Forgive Ourselves

Sometimes forgiving ourselves is more difficult than forgiving others but there is nothing more crucial to our overall well-being than making peace with ourselves. If we do not forgive ourselves, we continue to use our past to beat ourselves up and we sabotage our biggest dreams.

In my second book, I explain “It is easy for us to dwell on our regrets, the things we lack, the things we missed out on and the things we could have done differently. (Forgiving ourselves) means letting go of blaming (judging or disliking) ourselves; none of us deserves blame. It means being sensitive to our own suffering and coming to understand why we are the way we are, why we have certain beliefs, why we feel the way we do and being okay with all of it. It is only when we can accept our stories (whatever happened to us in the past) and forgive ourselves entirely that we can obtain the wisdom that our stories hold for us.”

Each of us is good at our core. You might insist that someone you know is truly BAD at their core but you could never convince me that this is the truth. Even if you told me that you had murdered twenty people, I would simply know that you were in ridiculous pain. I would look at you with eyes filled with love, just as I did before you told me of the horrible crimes you had committed.

You see, as I said in my prior blog, we each have this internal gauge of what’s right and what’s wrong. For obvious reasons, we need that gauge. What we don’t need is the constant punishment we inflict upon ourselves. But society makes us think that it’s not okay to make “mistakes” and that when we do, we deserve to be punished. Society does not see us as normal, unless we are continually aware of what we did wrong and perpetually beat ourselves up for it. I will say it again – each of us is good at our core. WE ARE MEANT TO LEARN FROM OUR “MISTAKES”, NOT PUNISH OURSELVES CONTINUOUSLY. Religions and their talk of our daily sins do not help us understand this concept. “Mistakes” are simply learning ground; they provide us with feedback as to what works and what doesn’t work.

In addition to understanding the above, something else is required in order to forgive ourselves. If applicable, we need to take responsibility for the times in which we under-performed, behaved without integrity or failed to be grateful for the people or things in our lives (or that were once in our lives and are no longer). We take responsibility by apologizing to those we hurt by our “mistakes”. Making things right, in this way, helps us make peace with our stories and subsequently feel better about ourselves. Lastly, after we apologize, we need to begin treating others with love and respect and living our lives with integrity. The more we forgive ourselves for our past, the easier time we will have of this.

I invite you to make a list of the “mistakes” you have made for which you have not forgiven yourself. I invite you to make a list of the lessons each “mistake” taught you; take your time with this. Then, make a list of the ways in which you are punishing yourself for your past “mistakes”. Finally, write down one unhealthy pattern you are going to let go of i.e. lack of exercise, smoking, excessive shopping etc starting this week. This is how we slowly begin the process of forgiving ourselves. And this is how we slowly begin living the lives we are all meant to live.

For two decades now, any time something hasn’t gone well for me in my life and I turn it around, I think to myself “How will I use this to teach others?” I encourage you to share your insights, as a result of reading this blog, so that others might learn from YOU.

And watch for Easter Sunday’s blog describing rebirth and exactly what that feels like!

Pleeease tell me you are enjoying your Easter Egg Hunt, making your personal discoveries!

Easter – A Time of Forgiveness and Rebirth

It is Easter – a time of forgiveness and rebirth, if we so choose. I have come to realize that there are three main reasons why many of us are reluctant to forgive:

  1. We think that forgiveness means that we condone the actions of another or agree with their incorrect thoughts on something.
  2. We think that we need to tell another that we forgive them, essentially rewarding them.
  3. We don’t have the information we need i.e. the truth to forgive them.

Forgiveness does NOT mean we condone the actions or agree with the thoughts of another. It does not mean that everyone suddenly gets along and lives happily ever after! It does not mean we are weak or lacking in principles or intelligence. Why our society has been led to believe this is beyond me and we have been so inhibited by this incorrect definition of forgiveness.

In my second book, I explain that “Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves.” Forgiveness means that we consciously decide that we are not going to let another take over our lives or our thoughts. We are not going to remain angry or seek vengeance nor are we going to act like a victim, as a result of the actions or thoughts of another. And we DON’T need to tell another that we have forgiven them; we can if we want – it is our choice! I further explain in my book that “Forgiveness is the only way we can heal; we need to forgive for our own health and well-being…the gift of forgiveness is emotional freedom. It gives us peace of mind. If we hold onto our resentment, we give control over our emotional well-being to the person who hurt us…when we hold grudges, our love for ourselves cannot grow. We remain victims and we deprive ourselves of healthy, fulfilling relationships, allowing unhealthy patterns to take hold.”

Forgiveness means coming to see those who hurt us with new perspective. It IS easier to forgive another if we have certain information; for example, if we were emotionally abused by our parent and we learn that our parent was emotionally abused by their parent, our hearts can be filled with compassion more easily. But we don’t need to glean information on another in order to forgive them. We can simply come to understand that a person CANNOT hurt another, unless they are in pain themselves. Every single individual that is unhappy or is acting without integrity is hurting inside. When we know this, we can stop seeing what another did to us and we can look at their pain instead.

On this Easter weekend, I invite you to make a list of the individuals you have not forgiven. I invite you to spend time reading and re-reading the above words to remind yourself as to what forgiveness really is. I invite you to really see the pain those individuals are actually experiencing, every single day of their lives. If you can’t see it, ask someone that knows them well if they can see it. One thing I have learned well from coaching others is that EVERYONE knows when they have done wrong by another, unless they have a mental illness.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s blog where I will teach you about forgiving ourselves. Easter Sunday’s blog will be all about our rebirth. As you watch a child in your life discover one egg after another on their Easter egg hunt, I will imagine you making your own discoveries, on your own Easter egg hunt, reading my three blogs. For any of you that know me, you know this will be the greatest gift I could receive this Easter weekend.

Happy Easter, Lovelies!

Simple Steps to Transforming YOUR Life

Marguerite has been my good friend of many years. She and I, both being life coaches, are thrilled to bring you this information to help you transform your lives 🙂

When Saturday, April 1, 2017
6:30PM – 9:30PM
Where: The Hartman Gallery
5725 Davis Drive, Mount Albert, Ontario L0G 1M0
(One minute drive east of highway 48 on the south side.
See the Attached PDF for more info!
Transforming Your Life

My Changing View of Women

Many wonder why we celebrate Valentine’s Day, Family Day, Women’s Day and the like… I personally like that we have designated days to celebrate things. I don’t feel that the majority of North Americans celebrate enough. When we celebrate things, we are seeing the positives and we are being grateful. And, you know that anger and fear cannot anchor in the mind of one that is overcome with gratitude.

As a child and a teenager, I couldn’t even say the word “woman”. I did not want to become a woman because the women that were my examples were not the type of people I wanted to become. I refused to carry a purse or wear jewellery and I dressed very plainly. In my twenties, I had female bosses that I was unable to look up to…

It wasn’t until I had my first child, that my respect for women began to take root. We all grow up being told that women are the weaker gender. Why, then are the women slated to go through labour and then perform the hardest job on earth of raising children to become successful adults? As a mother, I began watching all the working moms. They went to work, raised their children, kept their house in order and remained the emotional backbone of the whole family. I watched as their children grew up physically and emotionally and began contributing to the world. I saw the strength in these women as they overcame each challenge one at a time. I noticed that they simultaneously became more and more important in their careers. I watched with awe and wonder at the capabilities of women and one day, began embracing being female.

Today, through my work, I help some of these women. When I see their hair analysis results and when I help them through life coaching, I see the strain that their busy lives have put on their bodies and minds. I see the vitamins and minerals they are lacking in and the systems that are out of balance in their bodies. I have met with a lot of women now and I see the patterns….the majority of them are doing too much for others and not enough for themselves. That is their biggest weakness but I now know that women are far from weak.

One of my most important jobs is to help women see their own importance. I help them get back on track by helping them come to love themselves the way the rest of us love them! I help them learn to nurture themselves and feel grateful for their copious accomplishments.

It was only through writing this blog that I realized that I went from not wanting to be a woman, to loving being a woman, to supporting women in any way that I could because I now revere them so much. Because of International Women’s Day, I was able to have this insight into myself and into women in general. To all the women out there that are reading this blog, I CELEBRATE you; I SEE you; I LOVE you, and I am immensely proud to be one of you.

6 Steps to Making Your Life Your Masterpiece

Make Your Life Your Masterpiece At this time each year, we have the privilege of experiencing a few hours, in which we can dream about what the New Year might hold for us. We can dream of making an aspect or many aspects of our lives better. There are four important aspects to dreaming:

  • Whatever we continually dream for ourselves really is possible, otherwise we wouldn’t have those dreams. Remember that you have a beautiful spirit within yourself, regardless of the circumstances of your life. Whatever it is that you dream of in your heart of hearts, you deserve to achieve it.
  • Make Your Life Your Masterpiece - BookOur dreams do not manifest because we know the way. They manifest because we believe they will. Doreen Virtue says that manifestations are not rewards for good behaviour; manifesting our dreams is a product of our thoughts, beliefs, feelings and actions.
  • We must be open to listening and exploring the avenues that present themselves to us – in our thoughts, in the synchronicities we experience or those shared by others.
  • If our dream is not, first and foremost, for the higher good or emanating from our heart, it may not manifest to the degree we hope it will.

What are the 6 steps to making your life your masterpiece?

  1. Write down the improvements you want to see in your life, ensuring your list contains easy-to-achieve, as well as, harder-to-achieve goals.
  2. Now, start to visualize how it will feel in your body and mind once you achieve one or more of your goals. Continue to visualize achieving your goals, feeling the joy of each accomplishment within. Create a vision board to help you FEEL your success; I have attached mine, as an example.My vision board
  3. Do not tell anyone what your goals are or what you are doing. You do not need to prove yourself to anyone. Know that when we speak to others about our efforts to manifest, our power is weakened because our ego has entered the picture.
  4. Begin acting as though you have achieved your goal. If your goal is to have greater financial success, dress as though you are already successful.
  5. Create an affirmation for yourself and say it out loud to yourself many times a day for a minimum of 5 weeks. Examples include:

    “I radiate health and happiness from within”

    or

    “I attract people that love and appreciate me.”

    When you first start saying your affirmation, you may not believe it but, over time, your subconscious mind will come to believe it.

  6. As each aspect of what you want appears, be grateful and more will appear.

DO THIS EACH YEAR AND YOU WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE YOUR MASTERPIECE!

You Are A Gift

Merry Christmas - You Are A GiftIn the holiday season, you might find yourself hustling and bustling, thinking of what you are going to buy or bake or how you will decorate your home or how you will plan for a party… and this is all on top of living your regular life! You might be worrying about relationships, your success or your heath. You might feel overwhelmed, confused, impatient or even angry. You might have troubles falling asleep or staying asleep, as the torrent of your thoughts piles through your head. The possibilities of where your mind can take you are absolutely endless. But, notice I have just reminded you that it is your thoughts that you allow to control you. Your thoughts are not who you are.

At our core, we are innate goodness and love. Who we are, as young children, is who we really are – loving, trusting, free, imaginative and completely accepting.

When we come to love ourselves, we gradually let go of our worries and fears and open our hearts. It is more natural for us to love and have positive feelings than to fear and have negative feelings. When we discover our inner beauty, we come alive again and our biggest needs are met. We are able to relate lovingly to others and know how to embrace the present moment.

I ask you to stop being so hard on yourself. I ask you to take stock of the person you have become. Take stock of your accomplishments. All challenges and regrets are learning ground. Take stock of what you have learned. Take stock of all the aspects of your life that are not as you want them to be. Be thankful that it’s those aspects of your life that are not as you want them to be, as opposed to others. Be grateful for where you are right now, in this very moment. I ask you to be grateful for it all until feelings of acceptance and understanding engulf you.

I am imagining you experiencing these feelings and your smile as it spreads across your face. I am imagining your eyes shining brightly. I am feeling the love within you come alive. YOU are a GIFT. You have talents unique to you, you are loved, you are perfect just the way you are and your life is exactly the way it is supposed to be at this time. If in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, my message reminds you that you are a gift, I have done my job.

As always, I welcome your feedback. Would you like to connect? You can reach me via email or phone, leave a comment right here on the site, or click the contact tab at the bottom of the screen if you are reading this post on the website.

Until next time,

Meredith

Helping Individuals Clear their Emotional Blocks

mental blockYou all know that I absolutely love what I do with my life coaching but I felt the need to explain in greater detail why it fascinates me so much!!!
A boy in his twenties came to me, who had been depressed for a couple of years. Within a few sessions of asking him powerful questions (that is their actual name) and doing some sub-conscious work, he realized that he didn’t want to become successful because he didn’t want his mother to take the credit. Wow! You see how our thoughts determine our reality? I helped him understand this concept and then asked him if he was done suffering…I then helped him forgive his mother and set goals for his future. He is now in law school and, last time I saw him, he was literally on top of the world.

“Any belief that contradicts our innate greatness needs to be addressed if we want to meet our own needs” Meredith Deasley – The Resourceful Mother’s Secrets to Emotional Health

A woman in her thirties came to me to help her put an end to her emotional eating, which she had been doing for years. In our third session together, we uncovered that she had not forgiven herself for marrying her husband! You might think that the solution would have to been to help her end her marriage but you would be wrong! We just needed to determine how she was going to turn things around with him by coming to love herself first. I ended up teaching her at CSNN and was pleased to learn that she was now happy in her relationship.

“When we bare our souls and speak from the deepest parts of ourselves, with complete honesty and humiliation, we allow ourselves to heal.” Meredith Deasley – The Resourceful Mother’s Secrets to Emotional Health

A woman in her forties came to me to help her live the life she had always wanted for herself. It turns out that she had not forgiven herself for something her father had forced her to do as a child. She had never told anyone about this incident before. Knowing what I knew of her father, I asked her if he had threatened to kill her if she did not comply with his wishes. She said that that is exactly what he had done. I explained that a young child will do anything to survive and that she can stop blaming herself. Suffering ceases to be suffering when we form a clear picture of it in our minds. My client began setting healthy boundaries with the men in her life from that point forward. She is now slowly taking the steps to living the live she always wanted for herself.

“It is when we allow our negative stories to define us and determine what is possible for ourselves that we stifle our growth as individuals” Meredith Deasley – The Resourceful Mother’s Secrets to Emotional Health

Ironically, we already are what we spend our lives trying to be. My job is to help others see their own greatness. Now do you see why I love what I do so much?

If you love this blog, won’t you vote for us?  You’ll find the link in the sidebar to the right of this post. If you are reading this post via email, please click here to be taken to the website where you’ll find the vote box.  All you have to do is click on the box. There is nothing more required!  This automatically registers a vote for my blog. It’s quite simple.  Thank you for your support.

As always, I welcome your feedback. Would you like to connect? You can reach me via email or phone, leave a comment right here on the site, or click the contact tab at the bottom of the screen if you are reading this post on the website.

Until next time,

Meredith

Stress – Its Underlying Cause

what causes stressStress is the underlying cause behind much of the illness we experience. Irritable Bowel Syndrome is a perfect example of a stress-induced illness. But what is the root cause of stress? When we experience stress, we are resisting the flow of life. Stress is not caused by the circumstances of our lives but by our reaction to the choices we have made that result in the circumstances of our lives.

When the circumstances of our lives or people don’t meet our approval, we focus our energy on trying to control or change our external circumstances or the people in our lives. Or we bend over backwards to please the people in our lives. Why do we give our power away in this way?
We expend a massive amount of energy trying to change our external circumstances or other people. We also expend a massive amount of energy trying to conceal the pain of our past. Anything we want to change or we’re afraid of or angry about or refuse to accept will keep us attached to our past and the beliefs or expectations that stemmed from our past. Resisting what is will never make it disappear.

How do we recognize our stress?
We know we are resisting i.e. experiencing stress when we experience physical manifestations such as a stiff neck, clenched jaw, headache, stomach ache, sighing and tightness in the chest, just to give a few examples. Once we recognize where our resistance or stress is anchoring in our body, we are able to identify it and the triggers more easily.

The root cause of all stress
The root cause of all stress is a lack of love and belief in ourselves. These feelings generate fear …fear of saying “no”, fear of setting boundaries with others, fear of putting our own needs first, fear of not having the approval of others, fear that we cannot survive without a certain job or partner….

What do we need to do to let go of our stress?
“The crucial times to let go are when you feel the strongest urge not to” (The Path to Love by Deepak Chopra page 170).

Once we accept that this is the way it is going to be with this job or this situation or this person or this quality about ourselves that we don’t like, we can stop resisting and let things flow effortlessly. This concept is referred to as “surrendering.” Our ego mistakes surrendering for failure and the end of power, but when we surrender, we transcend our ego and let go of control of circumstances over which we really never had any control anyway. We can stop forcing things and simply allow things to happen. We are most powerful when we are working with life rather than against it. Surrendering is stopping ourselves from doing the things that make us miserable, crazy or self-hating. When we stop abusing ourselves, love and healing can move in. This is when we can determine what we need to do to create joy in our lives.

What are you going to do differently in your life to ensure you experience the most joy in your life this holiday season?

If you love this blog, won’t you vote for us?  You’ll find the link in the sidebar to the right of this post. If you are reading this post via email, please click here to be taken to the website where you’ll find the vote box.  All you have to do is click on the box. There is nothing more required!  This automatically registers a vote for my blog. It’s quite simple.  Thank you for your support.

As always, I welcome your feedback. Would you like to connect? You can reach me via email or phone, leave a comment right here on the site, or click the contact tab at the bottom of the screen if you are reading this post on the website.

Until next time,

Meredith

11 Ways to Know If Your Child Is Emotionally Healthy

Kid's Life Coach OntarioIt is difficult to gauge one’s level of emotional health when most of us don’t even know what emotional health is. My intention is to show you how to know if your child is emotionally healthy, to explain what causes a child to be unhealthy emotionally and what you can do about it when they are not. We know our child is emotionally healthy by: Continue reading