I want to tell you about a man who never knew how amazing a parent he truly was – my father

My father was the first father in Oakville to be awarded sole custody of his children….I was four years old and my brother was only one. My dad made every weekend an absolute delight. We hiked, biked, canoed, camped, and skiied regularly. We spent hours and hours at the library, Ontario Place, Harbourfront, Bronte Park, Algonquin, Grandview ..and so many other incredible places. We travelled all over Canada. He took us to meet Eskimos in the Yukon, went panning for gold and it was there that I caught my first fish with a smaller fish inside…

He made us tiny pancakes, cut all sorts of incredible shapes out of apples, made us ice cream cones with delicious candies embedded inside. We watched “Emergency”, the “Beachcombers” and Disney movies every Sunday night. He took us to the variety store where he taught us how to spend money wisely; he also taught us how to save. He converted an old tv into a puppet theatre. He watched every show my brother and I put on for him. He converted boxes into robots. We made forts with him in the snow and the leaves, as well as in our blankets and chairs inside. When it was a special occasion, he cut footprints out of paper and we had to follow them around the house to find our presents. He bought us big helium balloons and special, meaningful gifts. He went to a lot of work every April Fools’ Day. And Christmas was so abundant. When I only received one toy but a lot of clothes one Christmas, I cried. My Dad comforted me and explained that I was growing up and I didn’t need that many toys anymore. When we got home from visits with our mom, we found newspaper clippings on our desks that he thought would interest us, small items he thought we would like, and notes he had written us.

When my father put my brother and myself to bed, he told us wonderful stories that he made up all by himself. We spent hours each night in an even more beautiful world than this one. I used to have many nightmares. One night, my dad picked me up from my bed in my nighty and took me to the end of the driveway and set a fire there for me. We roasted marshmallows together.
My dad called me “Twinkle Toes” because of my zest for life. He told me I was brave. He told me I was important. He told me I could do anything and I knew he believed it. He told me when I made smart decisions. He helped me sort the lies out from the truth; I could always count on him to always be honest with me. He taught me values. He modelled integrity and hard work. He helped me with my school work, explaining the tricky concepts to me. My brother and I respected him so much that we never misbehaved. And we both knew how much love our father had for us; his eyes said it all.

When I reached the age of ten, my dad remarried. Our whole world turned upside down. My father put my stepmom in charge of raising us. We hardly saw him after that. He climbed to great positions in the corporate world. Years later, I came to realize that my Dad never knew his importance in our lives. He never knew what an incredible father he had been to us. My mother, nanny and then stepmom caused such pain for us that subconsciously he felt he had failed us.

My dad no longer speaks to me. He lives across the country from me. I never was able to convince him of what an amazing father he was. He has other children with my stepmom and they are a big part of his life now that he is retired: I am happy he is not alone. But I believe he hurts every day because he feels he failed my brother and me. I will always love my dad and be grateful for those first 10 years of my life with him. I hope that whatever my dad is doing today, he has a good Father’s Day.

Helping Individuals Clear their Emotional Blocks

mental blockYou all know that I absolutely love what I do with my life coaching but I felt the need to explain in greater detail why it fascinates me so much!!!
A boy in his twenties came to me, who had been depressed for a couple of years. Within a few sessions of asking him powerful questions (that is their actual name) and doing some sub-conscious work, he realized that he didn’t want to become successful because he didn’t want his mother to take the credit. Wow! You see how our thoughts determine our reality? I helped him understand this concept and then asked him if he was done suffering…I then helped him forgive his mother and set goals for his future. He is now in law school and, last time I saw him, he was literally on top of the world.

“Any belief that contradicts our innate greatness needs to be addressed if we want to meet our own needs” Meredith Deasley – The Resourceful Mother’s Secrets to Emotional Health

A woman in her thirties came to me to help her put an end to her emotional eating, which she had been doing for years. In our third session together, we uncovered that she had not forgiven herself for marrying her husband! You might think that the solution would have to been to help her end her marriage but you would be wrong! We just needed to determine how she was going to turn things around with him by coming to love herself first. I ended up teaching her at CSNN and was pleased to learn that she was now happy in her relationship.

“When we bare our souls and speak from the deepest parts of ourselves, with complete honesty and humiliation, we allow ourselves to heal.” Meredith Deasley – The Resourceful Mother’s Secrets to Emotional Health

A woman in her forties came to me to help her live the life she had always wanted for herself. It turns out that she had not forgiven herself for something her father had forced her to do as a child. She had never told anyone about this incident before. Knowing what I knew of her father, I asked her if he had threatened to kill her if she did not comply with his wishes. She said that that is exactly what he had done. I explained that a young child will do anything to survive and that she can stop blaming herself. Suffering ceases to be suffering when we form a clear picture of it in our minds. My client began setting healthy boundaries with the men in her life from that point forward. She is now slowly taking the steps to living the live she always wanted for herself.

“It is when we allow our negative stories to define us and determine what is possible for ourselves that we stifle our growth as individuals” Meredith Deasley – The Resourceful Mother’s Secrets to Emotional Health

Ironically, we already are what we spend our lives trying to be. My job is to help others see their own greatness. Now do you see why I love what I do so much?

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Until next time,

Meredith

Teaching Your Child to be the Master of Their Thoughts

If we hold a thought long enough and repeat it often enough, that thought becomes a belief.  Many of the thoughts or beliefs that guide us are not even true; they are illusions of the mind.  Our beliefs and belief patterns get started in our childhoods, when our perspective is extremely limited, to say the least.  One incorrect perception can lead to another until our beliefs are completely off base.  Incorrect beliefs include: Life is too hard.  No one can be trusted.  I am not good enough. When we desire to improve the way we feel or certain aspects of our lives, we need to become the master of our thoughts.  Every undesirable thought and belief can be converted into a desirable one.  And there is always one viewpoint in any situation that brings us true peace.  When we find that new viewpoint, our confidence is restored and we can move forward to a whole new level of success. Continue reading

Meeting Our Children’s Needs Through the Lens of the Heart

Being a parent is hands down the toughest job that exists on the planet but it also has the potential to be the most rewarding job one could perform.  It is when we open our hearts to meeting our children’s needs and see the innocence and goodness in them, no matter what happens, that makes our job so rewarding.

I remember doing a nutrition seminar for a group of grade 5 students.  There was a boy in the class that was not allowed to sit with the rest of the children because he had misbehaved too many times.  I wanted to share samples of healthy chocolate bars, called Twilight, with the class.  The boy asked me if he could distribute the chocolates to his classmates.  Out of the corner of my eye, I could see his teacher start walking towards him, as if to prevent this from happening.  The boy knew she was coming and looked at me with fear in his eyes.  Before she could arrive at the boy’s desk, I held the tray of chocolates in front of him, looked him right in the eye and told him “I trust that you will take this around to each of your fellow students carefully and quietly, ensuring that every child takes only one sample and that you will return the tray to me.”  He did exactly that.  I could feel his gratitude for my trust in him and his pleasure at being given this responsibility.  And because I believed in him, he believed in himself.  Now, imagine if this boy was parented in this way each and every day.  How different would his life be?  How much would he come to love himself?

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Drugs for ADHD – Side Effects and Repercussions

bigstock-Student-daydreaming-16442717ADD/ADHD is North America’s leading childhood psychiatric disorder. When the following behaviour is pervasive and continues for at least 6 months, children are usually diagnosed with ADD/ADHD:

  • Restless
  • Fidgets and squirms
  • Lack of attention to detail
  • Failure to follow through on instructions and failure to complete homework
  • Interrupts or intrudes on others
  • Blurts out answers
  • Loses or forgets important things
  • Talks excessively
  • Doesn’t seem to listen when spoken to directly

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5 Tips to Appreciating the Christmas Holiday Season With Your Young Family

bigstock-Little-girl-with-a-Santa-hat--19486547I remember when my girls were younger and I was still in ‘survival mode’ and the holiday season came upon me….I thought I wouldn’t be able to get through another day. This blog is dedicated to helping you appreciate this Christmas holiday season with your young family.

I was making all of my girls’ food at that time, dressing them, ensuring they were happy all day long, bathing them and putting them to bed each night. Then there were all the Christmas preparations… I remember having to decorate the inside and outside of our home with Christmas cheer.  I remember Christmas shopping for 27 people and for some of those people, I needed to buy multiple gifts.  I remember hitting more than one Christmas party in a night and always having to ensure that my girls were well taken care of back at home.  Then we would entertain family and friends in our home, as well.  This was, of course, all in conjunction with my job, which luckily was only part-time.  And the year that my youngest had the chicken pox and had her worst day of suffering on Christmas Day holds a special place in my memories.

Is it any wonder that I began to dread the Christmas season???  I have learned from experience that even though we feel alone when we go through challenges, we are never alone.  But I remember trying to find others at the time that felt the same way I did but came up empty-handed, which made my challenges seem even worse. No one wants to be a Grinch and eagerly wait for the holiday season to end!  But some of us end up feeling that way.  This article is written for those of you that are in “survival mode” at this time of year; I do not want you to feel alone as I did, nor do I want you to miss the magic of Christmas.

Here is a list of things that I did to appreciate the moment:

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Being Misunderstood by Others When Eating Differently than the Majority

Welcome to my world and the world that many others share… a world where more and more people are finding they need to eat differently than the majority and differently than their ancestors because the toxicity in today’s world is contributing to various health challenges.  Yes, the majority that eat differently are suffering and are trying to prevent further suffering by eating healthier and many are misunderstood.

Most of you know that I used to eat copious amounts of processed and high sugar foods, drink far more alcohol than would be deemed necessary at social functions, and even smoke!  And then, by direct cause and effect, my daughter, Taylor was born, severely lacking in good bacteria and reacting to all of the common allergens.  In order to heal her, I needed to learn about nutrition, learn about the healthier alternatives to the common allergens and discover that even though her body reacted to drugs, there was a host of natural, effective remedies available.

I help children every day learn that food colouring makes them hyperactive, that wheat bloats them and makes them tired or depressed, that dairy contributes to their frequent ear infections and bedwetting…and then there are the adults that are trying to go gluten free or lose weight or see a holistic practitioner for the first time because conventional medicine is not working at healing their digestive system.

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