I want to tell you about a man who never knew how amazing a parent he truly was – my father

My father was the first father in Oakville to be awarded sole custody of his children….I was four years old and my brother was only one. My dad made every weekend an absolute delight. We hiked, biked, canoed, camped, and skiied regularly. We spent hours and hours at the library, Ontario Place, Harbourfront, Bronte Park, Algonquin, Grandview ..and so many other incredible places. We travelled all over Canada. He took us to meet Eskimos in the Yukon, went panning for gold and it was there that I caught my first fish with a smaller fish inside…

He made us tiny pancakes, cut all sorts of incredible shapes out of apples, made us ice cream cones with delicious candies embedded inside. We watched “Emergency”, the “Beachcombers” and Disney movies every Sunday night. He took us to the variety store where he taught us how to spend money wisely; he also taught us how to save. He converted an old tv into a puppet theatre. He watched every show my brother and I put on for him. He converted boxes into robots. We made forts with him in the snow and the leaves, as well as in our blankets and chairs inside. When it was a special occasion, he cut footprints out of paper and we had to follow them around the house to find our presents. He bought us big helium balloons and special, meaningful gifts. He went to a lot of work every April Fools’ Day. And Christmas was so abundant. When I only received one toy but a lot of clothes one Christmas, I cried. My Dad comforted me and explained that I was growing up and I didn’t need that many toys anymore. When we got home from visits with our mom, we found newspaper clippings on our desks that he thought would interest us, small items he thought we would like, and notes he had written us.

When my father put my brother and myself to bed, he told us wonderful stories that he made up all by himself. We spent hours each night in an even more beautiful world than this one. I used to have many nightmares. One night, my dad picked me up from my bed in my nighty and took me to the end of the driveway and set a fire there for me. We roasted marshmallows together.
My dad called me “Twinkle Toes” because of my zest for life. He told me I was brave. He told me I was important. He told me I could do anything and I knew he believed it. He told me when I made smart decisions. He helped me sort the lies out from the truth; I could always count on him to always be honest with me. He taught me values. He modelled integrity and hard work. He helped me with my school work, explaining the tricky concepts to me. My brother and I respected him so much that we never misbehaved. And we both knew how much love our father had for us; his eyes said it all.

When I reached the age of ten, my dad remarried. Our whole world turned upside down. My father put my stepmom in charge of raising us. We hardly saw him after that. He climbed to great positions in the corporate world. Years later, I came to realize that my Dad never knew his importance in our lives. He never knew what an incredible father he had been to us. My mother, nanny and then stepmom caused such pain for us that subconsciously he felt he had failed us.

My dad no longer speaks to me. He lives across the country from me. I never was able to convince him of what an amazing father he was. He has other children with my stepmom and they are a big part of his life now that he is retired: I am happy he is not alone. But I believe he hurts every day because he feels he failed my brother and me. I will always love my dad and be grateful for those first 10 years of my life with him. I hope that whatever my dad is doing today, he has a good Father’s Day.

A Letter to My Daughters This Mother’s Day

When I met the father of my girls, I told him that having children would be the most important thing I ever did with my life. This baffled him because I was such a corporate girl, at the time. Shortly after we were married, I even went so far as to tell him that I thought we should apply for adoption, in case we were never able to have children. That’s how important having children was to me.

Giving birth and raising my girls has been the greatest pleasure of my life. And having my girls led me to my calling. Because of what they taught me, I get to be a “mother” to many individuals, through my company “The Resourceful Mother”.

I am dedicating this blog post to my girls, Taylor and Paige. Oh boy, the tears have already started welling up in my eyes…

Dearest Taylor and Paige,

Your bodies taught me the value of eating healthily and we can see the results of doing so in all aspects of our lives. Your emotions have shown me the value of truly feeling, then encouraged me to learn how to process those emotions properly and, in turn, allowed us to always find the perspective we needed to heal from any situation. Your minds have challenged me to find greater wisdom, guiding us to learning unique information about this world. Your spirits caused me to probe deeper into what lies beyond that which we are able to see and, as a result, we know that we are never alone on this planet and that there are a multitude of beings that help us each and every day. Your hearts, open wide right from the start, pried mine wide open, which then allowed us to keep our hearts wide open, as we navigated the trials of being human.

I was not truly living until the two of you entered my life. I owe my energetic body, my deep joy, my unique wisdom, my deep connection to spirit and my great love and respect for myself and others to the two of you. And I now know that this is an opportunity that EVERY parent has when they give birth and raise a child.

We have spent almost 18 years learning from one another. This fall, you head off to university, Taylor. I don’t feel any pulls at my heart strings because I know I have done my job and you have done yours; I have full confidence that you have everything you need to venture forth in this world. And Paige, you will enter grade 11, and through your co-op, you will decide the direction you will take in venturing forth in this world. I have full confidence that you will make the right decision for you. Whether or not either one of you makes the large contribution to this world that you plan to make, our souls have evolved in the direction they were meant to go in.

I am infinitely grateful for the two of you. I thank you for the depth of our connection and for the profound joy and never-ending love that we experience. I thank you for giving me the family I always wanted so badly. Thank you for allowing me to celebrate the gift of YOU each Mother’s Day and every day of my life.

All my love and appreciation,

Mama

Helping Individuals Clear their Emotional Blocks

mental blockYou all know that I absolutely love what I do with my life coaching but I felt the need to explain in greater detail why it fascinates me so much!!!
A boy in his twenties came to me, who had been depressed for a couple of years. Within a few sessions of asking him powerful questions (that is their actual name) and doing some sub-conscious work, he realized that he didn’t want to become successful because he didn’t want his mother to take the credit. Wow! You see how our thoughts determine our reality? I helped him understand this concept and then asked him if he was done suffering…I then helped him forgive his mother and set goals for his future. He is now in law school and, last time I saw him, he was literally on top of the world.

“Any belief that contradicts our innate greatness needs to be addressed if we want to meet our own needs” Meredith Deasley – The Resourceful Mother’s Secrets to Emotional Health

A woman in her thirties came to me to help her put an end to her emotional eating, which she had been doing for years. In our third session together, we uncovered that she had not forgiven herself for marrying her husband! You might think that the solution would have to been to help her end her marriage but you would be wrong! We just needed to determine how she was going to turn things around with him by coming to love herself first. I ended up teaching her at CSNN and was pleased to learn that she was now happy in her relationship.

“When we bare our souls and speak from the deepest parts of ourselves, with complete honesty and humiliation, we allow ourselves to heal.” Meredith Deasley – The Resourceful Mother’s Secrets to Emotional Health

A woman in her forties came to me to help her live the life she had always wanted for herself. It turns out that she had not forgiven herself for something her father had forced her to do as a child. She had never told anyone about this incident before. Knowing what I knew of her father, I asked her if he had threatened to kill her if she did not comply with his wishes. She said that that is exactly what he had done. I explained that a young child will do anything to survive and that she can stop blaming herself. Suffering ceases to be suffering when we form a clear picture of it in our minds. My client began setting healthy boundaries with the men in her life from that point forward. She is now slowly taking the steps to living the live she always wanted for herself.

“It is when we allow our negative stories to define us and determine what is possible for ourselves that we stifle our growth as individuals” Meredith Deasley – The Resourceful Mother’s Secrets to Emotional Health

Ironically, we already are what we spend our lives trying to be. My job is to help others see their own greatness. Now do you see why I love what I do so much?

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As always, I welcome your feedback. Would you like to connect? You can reach me via email or phone, leave a comment right here on the site, or click the contact tab at the bottom of the screen if you are reading this post on the website.

Until next time,

Meredith

A Commentary on the “You Are Not Special” Commencement Speech

achievementI have always told you how special our children are.  I have always suggested that we tell our children how special they are and treat them as such.  I have always talked about the importance of explaining to our children that we love them no matter what they do, even if they misbehave or make a wrong decision.  Not long ago, there was a commencement speech that went viral.  An English teacher, David McCullough Jr. told a Boston graduation class, over and over, that they were not special.   And I believe he made a number of valid points. If you haven’t already heard this speech, I have included it here. For those of you receiving this blog post via email, please click here.

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24 Negative Effects of Marijuana Use

marijuanaWith all of the people extolling the benefits of Marijuana and Oprah’s recent admission that she smoked Marijuana for the past thirty years plus, many are probably wondering, “How bad can this drug be?”  I decided it was time to inform you of the adverse effects of the drug.  Marijuana is the most commonly used illicit drug in the North America.  Since 2007, its use has increased among young people and today more teenagers smoke Marijuana than cigarettes, according to annual survey data.  To make matters worse, the amount of delta-9 tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) in Marijuana samples, confiscated by police, has been increasing steadily over the past few decades. In 2009, THC concentrations in marijuana averaged close to 10 percent, compared to around 4 percent in the 1980s.  Here are 24 negative effects of Marijuana use.

What are the short-term effects of marijuana?

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How to Help Your Child Become Interested in Exercise

importance of kids exercisingIt was warm out, the sun was low in the sky and the world couldn’t have looked any more beautiful.  I was riding my bike, listening to music and feeling like a million bucks.  It occurred to me that there are too many children missing out on this euphoria.  We all know how important exercise is for our physical and emotional wellbeing but I know that some parents are out there, wondering how to get their children interested in it.

Before my eldest daughter joined a gym that she absolutely loves and visits regularly (she started when she was 12 years old, which is the minimum age at most gyms), and before my youngest got into baseball and competitive dance, neither of my girls were very interested in regular exercise.   I had thought that their school gym program got their heart rates up regularly but was saddened to learn that that was not the case.

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6 Physical Symptoms You Wouldn’t Think are Related to Food

Over 200 physical symptoms, conditions and diseases that you wouldn’t think are related to food can actually be caused or worsened by food.  We eat food every few hours, all day long; it is the main substance that we ingest yet many of us refuse to believe its impact on the body.  “The incidence of diet-related problems is greater than the incidence of any other type of illness affecting mankind.”  James Breneman.  What are 6 of these diet-related problems?

Bedwetting – When children pass the age of 5 and they are still wetting the bed, they are usually reacting to a food.  The most common culprits are dairy, wheat and sugar.  What happens is that the bladder becomes inflamed from any of these foods and swells to such a degree that it cannot hold as much urine and therefore needs to be emptied more frequently.

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Meredith Deasley – Kids Coaching Connection Coach

Understanding Your Child’s Love Language

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Yesterday, I completed the Kids Coaching Connection Program, endorsed by the International Coach Federation (ICF)! and became a life coach for children!  I cannot tell you how pleased I am to have been given the multitude of tools that I now possess to help children move through their emotional challenges.  Thank you to the many families that have allowed me to help their children, in this capacity, over the past year and a half.

One of the tools that I was reminded of in this program was “The Five Love Languages for Children,” which originated from Gary Chapman’s book of the same name.  Condensing his work, he describes the love languages as follows:

1. Words of Affirmation – These children feel appreciated and loved when they hear positive messages from others.  Examples include “I love you.”  “You did an incredible job playing defense today. Did you see how many times you prevented the other team from scoring?”

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